I hate to sweat…

A few years ago, we took a family vacation to Keystone. I had signed up for ski lessons with the girls and was looking forward to going down the slope once or twice and then reading the rest of the week.

My husband loves to snowboard. He was off doing his thing while we were in lessons. The bunny slope was our playground, the girls and me. And our sweet little ski bunny instructor was helping us work our way back and forth…zigging and zagging.

I need to interject here that I was pretty unprepared physically for this trip. I have never been one for exercise or anything that really makes me sweat too much. Is gardening a sport? Anyway….

We were in our private lesson when a young boy came off the lift and was skiing down the slope where we were. He was ’speeding’ and trying to wind his way through the beginners as a short cut to another slope. I could see him coming and I tried to stop but quickly realized I would most likely not be able to avoid his zig with my zag. I decided my best defense was to squat down and become a smaller target.

The tip of his ski caught the tip of one of mine, and with my knee bent, my ski turned and took my foot with it. A torn MCL and a fractured tibia plateau. 6 weeks of crutches, surgery, rehab. Of course during rehab, I tapered off and never kept up the exercises. Remember, I hate to workout. The boy who hit me never stopped, and as far as I know, never ‘paid’ for the injury he caused me.

Today, several years later, I am very careful with my knee. I am aware that it is very vulnerable. It feels quite unstable at times, and it will swell up for seemingly the smallest aggravation.

I share all of this for a point.

My heart has been injured. Deeply. And it’s a wound by someone that possibly never ‘pay’ in this life for what they have done or even apologize….

I struggle with it. I want to retaliate. I want them to hurt as well.

But on this spiritual journey I am reminded that the Lord is my spiritual trainer. When I was injured, I became aware there had been a spiritual weakness.  A place where I needed the Lord but really had no idea how vulnerable I was. Since this  injury, I have chosen to allow God to do some surgery on my heart, it has been  painful but I know it is necessary. During the rehab, I am tempted to taper off, just like I did from the ski accident. I am becoming aware that without following the path to recovery ‘God’s way” I find the temptation to be angry and offended rises up.  I want to lash back, get even, gossip, seek revenge, and yes, occasionally go postal.

I guess something has happened in my heart though. I love God more than I hate those who have hurt me. Because of this, I have begun a spiritual workout. Something that is consistent. A spiritually healthy ‘food’ diet. A regular spiritual ‘cardio’.

I want to be strong. I want to be quick to forgive, because of who Christ is…because of what He has done for me…  because I have done the work needed to be spiritually able to withstand trauma. And I know if I keep it up, that even if I am wounded by someone again, I will heal quickly because I am in good spiritual condition.

Below are some workouts and diet plans on my regimen if you want to join me…

Work at getting along with each other and with God. Otherwise you’ll never get so much as a glimpse of God. Make sure no one gets left out of God’s generosity. Keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent. A thistle or two gone to seed can ruin a whole garden in no time. Watch out for the Esau syndrome: trading away God’s lifelong gift in order to satisfy a short-term appetite. You well know how Esau later regretted that impulsive act and wanted God’s blessing—but by then it was too late, tears or no tears.   Hebrews 12:14-16 the message

Beloved, do not avenge yourselves,but rather give place to wrath: for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay.” says the Lord.    Romans 12:19

Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.       Ephesians 4:31-32 the message

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5

Therefore I always exercise and discipline myself [ deadening my carnal affections, bodily appetites, and worldly desires, endeavoring in all respects] to have a clear (unshaken, blameless) conscience, void of offense toward God and toward men.  Acts 24:16 Amplified

Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins [forgives and disregards the offenses of others].  1 Peter 4:8 Amplified

Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner.  1 Peter 4:12-13

God blesses those who work for peace,
      for they will be called the children of God.  Matthew 5:9 NLV

I may never ski again…and I still hate to workout…

but spiritual sweat is sweet,

love wins!

can it happen?

I’ve been going through an interesting prayer life these past few days…

I have had some doubts about this ‘happily ever after’ way of thinking that I have adopted. (you can laugh….)

 There have been some pretty big bumps in the road this last year. And I have been on the ‘muddy end of the stick’ a few times. I have to say, some of the bumps took me by total surprise. And some others needed to happen to shake me up. (thanks God…) But over all I can admit that I have had to press in to my faith and make a decision if I really believe love wins. (again.)

And I do.

But the part I struggle with is feeling unreconciled. I had to look the word up to understand how to unpack it.

here’s one…not made consistent or compatible; “two unreconciled accountings.

but what really helped me was to to look up what reconcile means…

here’s what i found…

1. to make friendly again or win over to a friendly attitude
2. to settle (a quarrel, difference, etc.)
3. to make (arguments, ideas, texts, accounts, etc.) consistent, compatible, etc.; bring into harmony
4. to make content, submissive, or acquiescent (to) to become reconciled to one’s lot

wow….that’s what I needed.

there is something in me (the LORD) that longs to be reconciled.

and when there are ‘unreconciled’ relationships in my life… it is so difficult for me. And even harder when by all appearances…the other party(ies) seem so unaffected or grieved by it.

I love peace. I love knowing that because we have Christ in common, we are asked to submit to his guidelines.  I just don’t think God smiles on anything that is not about unity… and I am willing to lay down my pride for that.

But not everyone seems to buy this…and when we don’t get together and work it out in truth and love…the world sees hypocrites…and that makes me mad.

I am praying…praying for reconciliation. In my life, my family, my church…old friends…with God.

I am praying that God will change our hearts…

or he will give me rest in mine.

 

If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

Phillipians 2:1-4 the message

My hero…

I have been confused about writing here the past few days…

I have wanted to write about the teenage girls that are mean, but after not being able to put two words together on the topic, I figured God was trying to tell me something.

I don’t like bullies…but you know what really makes me mad?  Christian Bullies. And  I wanted to go on a rant about mean teenage girls and how they bully my daughter by ignoring her, not including her and excluding her from her friends… Really, just not acknowledging her…girls that she has known forever, stood beside through thick and thin. And they hide behind the law of that sick Christian belief that they are better than others…they are somehow loved more or are ‘closer’ to God than others… (okay that was a rant, but I want to broaden this topic…)

I think it’s hard to be a Christian. My natural bend is to want a set of rules and laws that can be a rigid guideline for life…for me and  other people (believers and non believers) and right away I can feel my heart harden, and I know that’s not the direction God wants me to go.

If you believe in Jesus, then you have to accept that He came to set us ALL free. Free from condemnation, free from the rigid law and hardened heart of the old testament. It’s probably the most difficult way to live. We all are called to follow the Lord based on our ‘personal’ relationship with HIM. And that doesn’t involve other people. They can  choose their own way. And hopefully, God will reveal to them anything he isn’t pleased with, and they will follow.

My mom used to say, “every time you point at someone, you have 3 fingers pointing back at yourself.”  I used to hate that. I like pointing fingers, but I don’t like being pointed at. And there is the ‘rub’. Can’t have it both ways.

So God has called us not to judge, not to condemn others. And I feel I must live that way. That’s the goal. But I am going to get honest here… I like to feel just a little bit better than someone sometimes. I know it’s an unGodly thought or action and I don’t like it but it’s the truth.  We live in a fallen world, with distraction and lots of opportunities to compare and add each other up. And its easier to point at someone we think has fallen short or just isn’t as holy as we are. It makes me sick that Christians do this, me included.

I want to keep my eyes on God and what he thinks of me. And do everything I can to not compare myself to others. Houses, cars, wedding rings, butts, clothes, friends, jobs, kids….uuuggghhhh.  Not look at those worse off than me or look at those I wish I could be more like. Just be me. Just me. And concentrate only on what God wants me to do, who he wants me to be.

 

It’s not easy being a mom. And it’s really not easy being a Christian. And I’m 46. Now picture being 16. Uggghhhh.

The other part of this conflict is that if I am to live like God is calling me to live. I not only have to NOT compare myself to others, but love everyone the way he loves me. Good and bad, bum and bully, even when they are hurting me…again, tough at 46…unimaginable at 16.

I watch my 16 year old go to school day after day with her head up. Granted there are good days and not so good days. But she is walking a walk that few of us have to….amongst the pointing Christian teenage fingers…

To press into the lord when you are surrounded by people who either look down at you, or just won’t acknowledge that you exist…around Christian bullies… she’s my hero (not that I’m comparing!)

And we are called to love, even the finger pointers..I am sure they believe they are walking the right way, even though they are hurting another believer. And it’s between them and the Lord…not me…and not my daughter.

My daughter puts a smile on her face and in the midst of it, learns in deeper ways that God is with her. He loves her. Just the way she is. The good and the bad. And that it’s gonna be okay. Having a hard, angry heart won’t help anything. Loving others is the only way.

  If with heart and soul you’re doing good, do you think you can be stopped? Even if you suffer for it, you’re still better off. Don’t give the opposition a second thought. Through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you’re living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy. Keep a clear conscience before God so that when people throw mud at you, none of it will stick. They’ll end up realizing that they’re the ones who need a bath. It’s better to suffer for doing good, if that’s what God wants, than to be punished for doing bad. That’s what Christ did definitively: suffered because of others’ sins, the Righteous One for the unrighteous ones. He went through it all—was put to death and then made alive—to bring us to God.   

1 Peter 3:13-18  The Message

Thanks for letting me rant…

Love wins…every time.

Getting the wind knocked out of me…

The winds of Oklahoma are in full swing this morning….         

 30 plus miles an hour.

I am grateful to have a home that protects me, a roof over my head and secure walls that keep the typhoon at bay.

I cant imagine being homeless in this kind of weather. The wind tends to pick up everything possible and misplace it. My grandma used to say…‘you better put rocks in your pockets today’.  

After the tornado a few years ago in Moore, the news reported a website you could go to to find your family pictures. People 200 miles away were finding pictures in their yards that belonged to people devastated by the tornado. That’s some powerful breeze blowing. Even people were physically misplaced. Unable to hold their ground. Just picked up and swept away.

Wind always makes me think of a couple of different things… Dorothy, of course…and Peter and Jesus walking on the water.  And a saying in AA that we laugh about. ‘Gee, ain’t it grand the wind’s stopped blowin?’    When I first got sober, I wanted everyone around me to be happy, and to some degree they were. But it’s like saying a tornado just went thru the path of my family and it’s over…be happy.  Well, yes, they were glad the wind of my addiction had stopped blowing, but it was still a huge mess of destruction that had ravaged through. It took a long time to rebuild. It’s still a process and rebuilding of sorts even though I have been clean and sober 27 years.

I am grateful the wind has stopped blowing in my heart as well. I used to feel like I was so empty. A small waft could be felt in my heart. Have you ever seen a plastic grocery bag caught up in the wind? That was me. I was always searching for something or someone to give me whatever it would take to make that feeling go away. To make the wind stop blowing. Or really, to help me hide from it.  I can tell you, it has been a long road.

I know the truth about who I am today. The good and the bad. All the flaws and all the really cool stuff as well. And the occasional draft of doubt isn’t too destructive. I am protected. It’s good to remember I am free from being tossed by the wind.

The spacious, free life is from God, it’s also protected and safe. God-strengthened, we’re delivered from evil— when we run to him, he saves us.
Psalm 37:29 the message

Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant. If you puff yourself up, you’ll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you’re content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty.                                    Matthew 29:11 the message

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.    James 1:6…  NIV

love wins…ain’t it grand?

A moth to the flame…

So…I’ve decided to walk in the morning…(3 days so far) and this is a good thing. With the possible diagnosis of lupus I am bound and determined to take care of myself and not fall into the ‘I have lupus’ thing. I have to take a handful of pills already and rub gel on my arms for something else…enough is enough. I want to enjoy life after kids with the man of my dreams.

Anyway, I’m on my walk this morning and I turn the corner and from across this street I am befriended by a darling little pooch with a green glitter collar on (Irish maybe?) and the pup begins to follow me. At first it’s nice to have company but then thru the blast of my ipod-cast I hear the yelling of a youngster. This little ’screamer’ has obviously let this dog out for a wee and now it’s running away from home. I got the sense the little boy wasn’t supposed to leave his yard because the further away I got the louder he yelled from the curb.

Each time he yelled, the pooch would stop and turn around, obviously torn by his master and an unknown possibly dangerous adventure. This little guy was drawn to me like a moth to the flame…lol…he wanted to hang with me for a little longer. Eventually it was out of his comfort zone and he headed for home.

This is what it was like for me as a teenager. Anything that crossed my path seemed to get my attention and I would follow it. Occasionally I would get drawn back to my home either by my family or by my fear of fire and danger or because I had gotten burned. And unfortunately I got burned alot. I followed alot of danger and had some really rough teenage years.

I look at my kids and I know they have the same tempatations. I know they get pulled away by dangerous distractions and I won’t fool myself into thinking that they have found themselves too far from home, too far from their standards, to far from God for comfort.

This brings me to the story of the lost sheep…one of my favs. If you haven’t read it in a while… go to Luke 15.

So the Message says:

“Suppose one of you had a hundred sheep and lost one. Wouldn’t you leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the lost one until you found it? When found, you can be sure you would put it across your shoulders, rejoicing, and when you got home call in your friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Celebrate with me! I’ve found my lost sheep!’ Count on it—there’s more joy in heaven over one sinner’s rescued life than over ninety-nine good people in no need of rescue.

I’m sure that’s the way this little boy felt when his dog finally decided to come back home.

I have to admit…I’m not always jumping for joy after one of my children has gone ‘too far from home’. As a matter of fact I can get downright angry. (I can even get mad at the dog)

But I am trying to be more gentle  with my kids these days. I think because I was such a lost teenager and got into such dangerous circumstances, that my anger is more about fear than anything. I think being upset is okay but the last thing I want to do is have any of my kids feel like running back home and away from danger is going to get them yelled at. Somehow the yelling can be saved for later maybe. And the hug can be the first thing they get. (I’m not throwing a party tho) Of course there will be consequences for wrong behaviour and for doing things outside the rules but I don’t want to operate out of my own painful teenage years. I want to have joy that my kids are safe and home and that they know beyond any doubt that we love them.

And as they grow up and become women and wives and moms, they will know that God loves them too. And  no matter what they do, God still loves them and is always willing to receive them with open arms, just like there mom and dad are…

Love wins

division

¹⁸If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ROMANS 12

Have you noticed that we have been in a PEACE trend lately…?

It’s like a 60’s revival. Peace signs everywhere. The clothing. The jewelry. I even bought a silver glitter Christmas ornament this year in the shape of a peace sign.  Marketing has promoted this symbol like crazy and our kids are buying it and wearing, me included… I am drawn to it.

But I had no idea the controversy over this little guy. I was googling on it and found there is this huge ‘occult’ slant from extremist Christians that feel it is an anti Christian thing. An upside down broken cross. And others that think it is representative of the Navy semaphore signs (the flags) of N and D meaning Nuclear Disarmorment.

But as I was reading it struct me that some of us can’t even live in peace over the peace sign. It’s never been copyrighted so anyone can use it without asking for whatever they want. It’s totally free. But there are people who want to ban it.

I think Satan can use just about anything to divide us. I see him working fulltime in my life. Someone says something and I hear it as an attack. My husband is lost in thought about work, I’m offended. My daughter won’t clean her room after being asked 3 times, I’m disrespected. My friend doesnt text me back, I’m unworthy. Satan seems to know how to work me…he whispers and taunts me sometimes with subtle lies. And if I am not sure of the truth about me and who I am and how much I am loved, I tend to have eyes and ears that walk toward the road of division… and the next thing you know I am not at peace with anyone. I am divided… from my husband, my kids, my friends. From God…

I like to think that the more I walk in the truth, the more I pray and read and fellowship with my husband, family, friends…the stronger I am to see and hear the truth.

I dont really have an opinion about the peace sign. I think it’s cool. I dont really see it as something that is ‘anti’ anything except division. And I can wear that. I should wear it everyday….living at peace with everyone.

peace…love wins

 

Drink milk…

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.                     Romans 12 - the message

Well, that sounds easy enough. My husband jokes sometimes about his relationship with the Lord…not in a bad way but just in a way of explaining the battle we all face when trying to live our lives UNTO the Lord.  He says, “I think I can go pick up a gallon of milk without God….”

I love that. It truly is where the battles are. The everyday things that seem so simple and trivial. I wonder how much I miss when I am just self-sufficient in the small things.

I hurt my back last week, and every few minutes this morning I am ‘tweaking’ it. I don’t even know what I’m doing that is making it hurt other than an old injury from a car accident. But it is a reminder with each breath to slow down…be careful…don’t make that ‘unknown’ move or twist that will make it hurt. Simple enough when there is such pain involved. But what about my spiritual life?

Today, I cant even ‘get a gallon of milk’ without God. I’d like to live this way without the pain…but God has a funny way of driving His will home. And I am hearing it for sure. I will be grateful for every ‘painfree’ gallon that I pick up from here on (or at least until I forget again…) He has a way of taking my most unrelated uncomfortable moments and using them to draw me closer to Him. 

Love wins, drink milk.

Mornings…

The kids are off to school, the college student is house sitting for a neighbor and the man of my dreams is sleeping in. It’s 30 degrees out…gee whiz…it was 80 just a few days ago. A load of dishes is running and I’m sitting here trying to figure out what that clanking sound is in there but I really don’t care that much, just curious…it’s rhythmic and soothing to some degree. Steam will soon be pouring out of the vent with the smell of manufactured lemon scent.  It’s gonna be another great day. (not meant sarcastically but completely sincere)

I’ve been reading Romans 12. This is some good stuff. One of the scriptures that keeps rolling around in my head lately is 12:9… love must be sincere.

I am wondering what does ’sincere’ really mean? The thesaurus has some synonyms I thought were interesting.  wholehearted, righteous, candid, natural, unaffected…  I like that. Unaffected. I am challenged in my little ‘co-dependent’ head. Unaffected. That’s not easy. And yet I know that’s the way God loves me. It’s really hard to love someone sincerely. I have always been ‘affected’ by those I love. I have had a habit in the past of feeling a certain way about people based on how they feel about me. I have been challenged in the past several years to stop living like this and I must say, the Lord is changing me. The desire to love the way the Lord loves me is so strong sometimes I am taken back by it. It’s one of those “in spite of myself” kind of things. 2 Corinthians 6 talks about the same thing..in pureness, in knowledge, in long-suffering, in kindness, in the Holy Spirit, in love unfeigned.A good description of sincere love.

When I am out doing whatever or wherever…I am praying for sincerity. I remember people in my life who were such sincere people. My 7th grade English teacher. Somehow I knew when she said she saw something in me, I knew she wasn’t lying. I want to give that to people… my husband, my children, my friends, the cashier at Wal-mart.

love wins…

Hello world!

Yes… it’s time. So here we go…..blog.